PILF
Something’s wrong

What it’s trying to tell you.

Plants only have a few ways of saying anything, and most of them mean “too much water.” Pick what you’re seeing.

Tap one to narrow the list. Tap again to see everything.

One yellow leaf near the bottom
An old leaf retiring. One at a time is normal. Several at once is too much water.
Yellow lower leaves, more than one
Too much water. Skip the next one.
Yellow leaves
Too much water.
Yellow lower leaves
Too much water. Wait longer between drinks.
A stem going yellow from the bottom
Too much water. Stop for a month.
Brown, crispy patches on the white
Sun on the leaves. Move it out of the beam.
Brown tips
The water. Let it sit out overnight before using it. The brown doesn’t go away; the new leaves come in clean.
Whole plant drooping
Thirsty. Water it and give it an hour.
Leaves curling under
Thirsty, or cold. Check which.
Leaves wrinkling
Thirsty. Water it.
Drooping
Thirsty. It recovers in an afternoon.
Wrinkled, slightly limp leaves
Thirsty at last. Water it.
Leaves wrinkling or curling inward
Thirsty at last. Water it once, properly.
Limp and pale all over
Thirsty. Water it.
New leaves pale and washed out
Too much sun. Move it a few feet back.
Leaves going red or bronze
Direct sun. It’s a tan, not an injury — move it a foot back if you don’t like it.
New leaves coming in mostly green
Not enough light for the white. Move it nearer the window.
Pale, bleached leaves
Too much sun. A few feet back.
Soft, see-through lower leaves
Too much water. Stop for a few weeks.
Mushy base, or a leaf folding over at the soil
Too much water. Stop entirely and let it dry for weeks. Cut off anything soft.
A stem flopping over
Too much water, or too dark for too long.
Long bare stretches between leaves
It wants more light. Nearer the window, still out of the sun.
Long bare stretches between leaves
It wants more light. Move it nearer the window.
Leggy stems reaching sideways
It wants more light. Turn it, and move it nearer the window.
No flowers
Not enough light, or too much pot. Usually light. It also needs to be a couple of years old.
Nothing happening for months
Normal. It grows in bursts, mostly in summer.
Long stalks with little plants on the end
It’s happy. Those are babies; snip and root them, or leave them hanging.
Nothing happening
Normal. It almost never asks for anything.

The two rules that cover most of it

If you’re not sure whether it needs water, it doesn’t. A thirsty plant looks dramatic and recovers in an afternoon. A drowned one gives no warning until the roots are gone.
One old leaf going yellow is retirement, not illness. Several at once, from the bottom up, is water. Pale new growth is sun. Long gaps between leaves is not enough light.

Still not sure? Email a photo to hello@pilf.me. Replies come from a person, usually the same day.