The PILF Scale
Two values on every plant. Eleven characters on a tag.
A shared vocabulary for what you can keep alive, without knowing a single Latin name. “I used to only manage a C. I’ve kept a B alive for three months.” “Mine’s a 3 and it’s thriving, so I can probably do a 2.”
Grade — how much neglect it forgives
A
Hard to kill on purpose. Forgives a month of nothing.
B
Forgives two weeks away, or one persistent bad habit — not both.
C
Wants a rhythm. Tells you loudly when it isn’t getting one.
D
Wants the right room and the right rhythm. Buy this one third, not first.
F
Not sold here. Somebody else will.
Everything on a PILF shelf is an A or a B. That’s a merchandising rule, stated out loud. A grade is about difficulty, never quality — a C can be the most beautiful plant in the room. It just wants more from you.
Light — described as a room, not a condition
1 / 5
A room with no window at all. A hallway, a bathroom, an interior desk.
2 / 5
There’s a window somewhere in the room. You’re across from it.
3 / 5
Within a few feet of a window. Most living rooms, most cafés.
4 / 5
Right beside a bright window, out of the sun’s actual path.
5 / 5
Sun on the leaves for hours. Almost nothing indoors wants this.
The number on a plant is the least light it’s happy with. More is fine, right up to the sun itself. “Bright indirect light” tells a first-time buyer nothing; “a few feet from a window” is a place you can point to.
The shelf, on the scale
| Plant | Grade | Light | Water |
|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Pothos | A | 2 | Every 10 days. Droopy is fine. |
| Heartleaf Philodendron | A | 2 | Every 10 days. It forgives a late one. |
| Marble Queen Pothos | A | 3 | Every 10 days. Droopy is fine. |
| Spider Plant | A | 3 | Weekly-ish. Safe if the cat chews it. |
| Peperomia | B | 3 | Every two weeks. The leaves hold water. |
| Snake Plant | A | 1 | Once a month. Less in winter. |
| ZZ Plant | A | 1 | Once a month. It stores its own. |
| Hoya | B | 4 | Every two weeks. Likes a tight pot. |
Six of the eight are fine in a room with barely any window. That’s the whole merchandising argument.